gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
