Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
