Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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