My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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