I'm jealous of your bromance
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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