I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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