you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
