shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
