im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
