And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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