whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
