evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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