Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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