I wish you could order shots online.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
