just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
