She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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