god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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