At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
