soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
