I think i peed on brittanys purse
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I deserve this hangover.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
