ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
