Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize