she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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