I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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