So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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