all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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