I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He better not be in your backpack
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
