Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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