I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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