help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
