His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
