Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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