I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
