I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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