Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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