Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
