I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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