Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
