btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
