I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
