why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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