I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
