So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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