my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
