before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
