9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
