I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
how drunk are you?
Several
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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