I wish I could teleport
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
