Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
