a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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