whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
