I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
