i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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