When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
