Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
