tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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