Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
