I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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