Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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