Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
