you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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