Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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