Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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