Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
