omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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